When we’ve been wronged by another person and we’re struggling with the resulting pain, forgiveness may be the last thing on our minds. What we want is justice and it is often demanded in the form of retaliation because we want the person who hurt us to suffer, as well. Getting even, however, does not balance the scales. Instead it may lead to an escalating cycle of more fighting and frustration, which increases exactly what we are trying to push away… unrelenting PAIN.
I’ve known this depth of suffering before and it is really hard to deal with, especially when it is inflicted by someone who we love. Betrayal can be life shattering and as a result it stirs up many dark emotions, including feelings of rejection and abandonment that we experienced as children.
Forgiveness Is The Gift That We Give Ourselves
The antidote to this pain is forgiveness. I know, why would we forgive someone who hurt us so badly. The answer is to release ourselves from this pain, to leave it in the past, to heal and to give ourselves permission to move forward into a brighter future. The reaction to this by our egos is, “won’t that just reward the person who hurt me?” This question is what keeps so many of us trapped in the past. Remember that forgiveness is a gift that we give ourselves by in order to let go of the pain so that we can return to a state of happiness. Also remember that the law of karma will take care of those who offended us. Justice always happens in one form another when we step out of the way and let the Universe take care of the rest.
The Beauty of Reconciliation
Forgiveness can also make way for reconciliation. We all make mistakes and when we truly love someone who has hurt us, forgiveness has a way of speeding up the healing process. If our partner takes responsibility for their wrongs by apologizing, learning from their mistakes and by changing their behavior, our gift of forgiveness will bring us closer to one another once again. Pride and ego are often our biggest stumbling blocks, but when we learn to love from our hearts we can open doors to deeper love and intimacy. Relationships where the fires of love still burn should not be thrown away without giving them another chance. We are all capable of change and conflict can be the catalyst that prompts us to learn more about how to be a better person to our loved one. Not all of us had good role models for dealing constructively with conflict when we were growing up. Nor were we taught how to resolve our hurts and misunderstandings. It is important for us all to develop the ability to lovingly listen to our partners and to effectively communicate with them in order to promote love and understanding.
The Importance of Forgiving Yourself
Many of us beat ourselves up when we make mistakes. This leads to negative self talk and can also result in self loathing. It is important to also forgive ourselves when we mess up and hurt others. It does no one any good to continue to emotionally punish ourselves. Forgive and promise yourself that you will do better next time and know that it is our actions that will regain the trust of our partners.
Below is a popular Hawaiian meditation called, the ho'oponopono prayer that can help you to release pain and anger, and to forgive yourself and heal.
Once again it is important to forgive those who hurt you, forgive yourself and to move beyond painful events. Take time to love and heal yourself along the way and remember that hard times make us stronger. If we don’t lift heavy weights, our muscles do not get stronger. This is also true for building our spirit and our character. Work each day toward becoming a person of great compassion and strength and never be afraid to love again! Whether you choose to reconcile or move on is up to you. Just know that forgiveness is an important part of the journey that will give you the freedom to live the life that you desire.
Forgive, love and live!
P.S. - I’m always grateful for your likes and comments. I also invite you to connect with me on Instagram at @totalsoulfuljourney
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