How to Attract the Love of Your Life - Part 4 0f 4

If you are single or in an unhappy relationship you may be asking yourself, “How can I attract the love of my life” and the answer is become the love that you seek! You see we attract what we are and a lot of this has to do with the energy or vibes that we send out into the world. If you want to attract a person of high quality ask yourself, ”What do I need to improve about myself to attract a person of high caliber?” We must be willing to do our inner work, to open our hearts and connect with our souls in order to know ourselves enough to also determine the qualities and the characteristic of the person who we desire to attract into our lives. I’ll go deeper into this with a worksheet near the end of this blog because it is so important.

Photography by Paul Garrett

Photography by Paul Garrett

Attracting the Wrong People

You may also wonder, “Why do I keep attracting people who take advantage of me and break my heart over and over again?” This sadly happens for a number of reasons. One is because we don’t have healthy boundaries to protect ourselves. We fall in love with someone who resonates (vibration) with us and it feels so good that we fail to say something when the relationship loses its balance and the other person starts taking more than they give back. They may also become abusive and we are afraid to say anything until it’s too late and we are crushed once again. Part of this has to with what we learned about relationships when we were kids. If our parents didn’t have a loving relationship, then chances are that we will not have a healthy picture of love.

Another reason that we attract the wrong people is that we haven’t bothered to do our soul work, to raise our vibration and work on our self confidence and self worth. If we don’t feel like we deserve of a beautiful relationship, then we will be in low vibration and attract low vibrational people. This will lead to drama, co-dependency and a lot of disfunction in our relationships. There is an element of fear that comes into play here, such as the fear of abandonment, the fear of not being loved, the fear of being alone or the fear of not being able to provide financially for ourselves. Fear is a product of ego and as long as we are ruled by our egos, we are going to suffer. As you can see, fear is a major reason why we may settle for unhealthy relationships. If you suffer from any of these fears, consider living alone until you realize that you will always be fine whether or not you are in a relationship.

Becoming the Love of Your Life

To attract the love of our lives means that we have to become the LOVE of our life. Once again, we have to go inward and fall in love with ourselves. I know that this sounds narcissistic, but it is just the opposite. I’ve said it many times on this blog that we cannot fully love another person until we learn to fully love ourselves. Once we come into alignment in mind, body and spirit and truly love ourselves, we will begin radiating the higher vibration of love, and then we will be able to attract the healthy love that we’ve been seeking.

The Power of Writing a List

Three years ago my ex-wife sat down with me and said, let’s write down all of the qualities and characteristics that you are seeking in a woman. I had done years of self work and had a pretty clear vision of my perfect soul mate. You see it is very important to know yourself and to have a clear vision of where you want to go in your life and with what kind of people. Within three weeks of writing my list the woman who I described to my ex-wife DM’d me from two thousand miles away on Instagram. Her message to me was simple and beautiful and it said, “Wishing you an over the top great day.” We immediately hit it off and our connection was nothing less than magical and divine. From the beginning it felt like our souls were finally “HOME.” I’m currently in separation from this divine soul. Sometimes this happens in high vibrational relationships so that both people can take time out to heal past wounds and clear old karma. The good news is that this exercise of writing down the qualities and characteristics of the person who we desire to love has worked for many, many people and it may also work for you!

Photography by Paul Garrett

Photography by Paul Garrett

Qualities and Characteristics

Start with yourself. Write your qualities and characteristics on a piece of paper. What are your best qualities? Next write down the qualities and characteristics that you want to work on and improve. I’ve provided a link to a worksheet below that will help you with this exercise:

Click HERE to download PDF Worksheet

Your Big Dream

Now write down your big dream. What do you dream of doing in your life both professionally and personally? How will the love of your life help you manifest your dreams? Realizing your dreams is up to you, but if you have a partner who does not believe in your dreams or even puts them down, you are going to struggle.

Your Passions

Now list three of your favorite activities or hobbies. For example, “I love to travel and want to see the world.” Or “I love hiking and camping.” It is so important that your partner also enjoys your favorite activities. When we share the same passions we can make beautiful new memories together doing what we love. This is great for keeping your bond together alive and vibrant. If our partner doesn’t enjoy our favorite things and resents when we take time to do them, our relationship will suffer.

Writing the List

Now that you have a vision for yourself, it’s time to write down the qualities and the characteristics of your soul mate. Imagine what they look like. If you find a beautiful smile to be attractive, write it down. Also list the activities that both of you will love doing. How about their character? Honest, loyal, fun, funny… What are the characteristics that vibe with your personality and your goals? Create a complete vision of everything that you are looking for in your perfect mate, including sleeping habits, preferred foods (i.e. vegetarian, vegan, eats meat), fitness level, sex drive and anything else that is important to you.

You can make your list as long as you like. Start with the first 20 qualities and characteristics that immediately come to mind and you can add more as you think of them…

Now that you have filled out the worksheet, you have a better vision of who you are looking for. Your vision will help you to attract this person into your life and also makes it possible to recognize your soul mate when you finally meet him or her.

Chemical Romance

Relationships involve both chemical and spiritual attractors. So many people are drawn into relationships based only on the chemical reactions within us. We meet a person and our bodies go “ZING!!” And when we become physically intimate our minds are flooded with oxytocin, the love hormone that bonds us together. This is a biological process that promotes the reproduction of our species. If we want our relationships to last beyond this electrically romantic stage, it is also important that our souls also connect on a spiritual level. This is what is meant by a match made in heaven. Biology alone may not hold us together when our relationships come under stress. Remember that we are mind, body and spirit, therefore it is important that our relationships align with all three of these aspects of our being.

Time to Manifest Your Soul Mate

There is someone out there for all of us. Some relationships are for learning purposes and may only last until the lesson is learned. Its purpose was to facilitate our growth and give us experience relating romantically with another person. Stay true to yourself and do not compromise your core values. When you know yourself and what you want you will make better decisions. Most of all, be yourself and have faith that your soul mate is also looking for you!!

With love,


P.S. - Your feedback means so much to me. Please click the heart below if you enjoyed this blog. I also appreciate your comments. I invite you connect with me on Instagram at either of my accounts: @totalsoulfuljourney & @thepaulgarrett. I am always happy to answer your questions, as well.

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