“The 5 Love Languages,” by Gary Chapman, is a New York Times Bestseller. According to the author, we all have one primary love language. If your partner speaks a language that is different from yours, it is difficult to effectively communicate. This is also true when it comes to each others love language. When we fully understand and respect the 5 love languages as identified and explained so beautifully in this book, we are then able to understand our partner, as well as ourselves and work together to effectively communicate.
The 5 love languages are:
Words of Affirmation: This includes sincere compliments, word of encouragement, kind words and humble words. This makes sense since one of the deepest human needs is to feel appreciated.
Quality Time: This mean giving your partner your undivided attention, doing quality activities together, having quality conversations and sharing self revelation. As I have stated in a previous blog, “Time is Love.”
Receiving Gifts: Gifts are symbols and expressions of love. They remind us that he or she was thinking of us. In addition to material gifts, there is also the gift of presence which means being there for your partner when they need you.
Acts of Service: This means doing things you know that your partner would like you to do. You seek to please him or her by doing things for them like taking out the garbage, washing the dishes, mowing the lawn or paying the bills.
Physical Touch: This includes, hugs, kisses, holding hands, sitting close to each other, massage and sexual intimacy. Learn how and where your partner likes to be touched, especially if this is their primary love language. Remember that positive and productive communication is critical to the success of all of your relationships.
Many couples struggle because they are unaware of the significance of the 5 love languages. Often they will unconsciously practice their love language on each other and then wonder why their partner or spouse does not appreciate what they do for them. Eventually this may lead to loneliness, resentfulness and feeling unappreciated or unloved, which creates distance between couples. So if your partner’s primary love language is quality time, then make time to have quality conversations and do meaningful activities together. When they feel loved, they will naturally feel closer and want to please you, as well. This creates an upward spiral of love. In addition, If you do not understand your primary and your secondary love languages, it is difficult for you to communicate your needs to your partner. Good communications skills and self knowledge are vital to healthy relationships. You may have more than one love language that resonates with you, but if you really think about it one of the love languages will stand out as your primary.
“The 5 Love Languages” is an important book for all couples to read. It will give you helpful information for creating a loving and a fulfilling relationship that lasts. If you are currently in a relationship that is struggling, read this book together. It will give you the tools to get your relationship back on the road to lasting love, deeper fulfillment and happiness. Furthermore, by becoming conscious of the 5 love languages and by using them with your significant other, you will deepen the intimacy in your relationship as you both feel new levels of love and appreciation from one another. Practice patience and loyalty while still enforcing firm boundaries and please consider reading our blog on male vs female communication. Remember that we are all in this together. The more that we revisit these important topics and conversation, the more that we can learn and grow.
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